Dinosaur Valley Girls
“Science Fiction B movie Classic becomes C book”
Author: Donald F. Glut
Publisher: Sense of Wonder Press
ISBN-10: 091873665X
ISBN-13: 978-0918736659
Rating: 5/10
Some books are highbrow, others middlebrow, and then there is “Dinosaur Valley Girls”. From the outset the adaptation of Donald Glut’s 90 minute, B-movie Sci-Fi cult classic of the same name is anything but pretentious. In fact, it’s so campy and unpretentious some might call it fatuous. Yet its precise lack of seriousness is what makes the story enjoyable, in the same way that chocolate pudding is enjoyable-tasty, but not to be confused with carrots or broccoli. While it might not meet the rigorous standards of some readers it gets the job done.
The premise of the novel is fairly simple: Tony Markham, an aging action star in Hollywood, has grown disillusioned with life. His professional life is on the skids, and to say that his personal life is out of whack is more than an understatement. Out of shape, and desperate for a for second act in life, Markham finds himself pining for the blonde beauty who haunts him in his dreams, a buxom cave girl with no name but possessing a charismatic personality. On a lark, he ventures to the local museum, where he stumbles on a mysterious icon that transports him several millennia away to a prehistoric place, Dinosaur Valley. He indeed comes face to face with the beauty. Her name is Hea-Thor, by the way, pronounced as you would the name Locklear. Soon he becomes a pawn in a primitive feud between the sexes.
While there is a plot of sorts, involving his search for the icon and his attempt to avoid being skewered by both the male cavemen and Hea-thor’s oversexed subordinates, it isn’t anything Pulitzer worthy. Tony mostly tries to survive the rough life of being the only male in a cave inhabited by mostly women while he tries to woo Hea-Thor. At one point, he tells her that she isn’t like most of the one-night stands he knew back in Hollywood. “You’re different than them.” He says. “You make me feel…almost…like I don’t even care I get that icon back.” Yeah, right.
This being an adaptation of a B-movie, the ratio of T and A to substantive dialogue is 10:1. With doe-eyed women named Bam-bee, Buf-fee, and even Bar-bee (!), it’s not hard to imagine why some would take issue with the novel. Some scenes verge on soft-core porn-little wonder the movie got airplay on USA Up All Night during the 90s (Talk about a blast from the past!). Hence why I gave it a 5 instead of say, a 7. But it’s not without its comedic moments-especially the scene where the cavemen dance with a straw effigy of one of the cavewomen.
The T and A factor aside, “Dinosaur Valley Girls” manages to accomplish what it set out to do: create cheap laughs. That is, if the reader happens to be a 13 year old boy in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
John Winn / Staff Writer
